I moved to Asia with a great job. [One of] my dream jobs. I was performing full-time and exploring one of the coolest metropolitan hubs in the world - Hong Kong. When my vocal talents that landed me the job were no longer needed, I wasn’t blindsided or upset. I had already been planning for months what my next move would be. With the state of America being what it was, and still is, I was in no rush to head back. I knew there was so much more to explore in Asia and I knew that I hadn’t learned all of the lessons Asia had to teach me. So, I cooked up a plan and followed it, despite knowing how crazy I sounded when I said my plan aloud!
I knew my next move was going to be about breaking down fears and roadblocks I had put in place for myself - that meant my first step was heading to the Philippines to get my SCUBA diving certification. Let me give you some backstory. A few months prior I took a trip to Thailand and decided to go on a discovery dive. I was scared as hell because I do NOT like open-water swimming, but something was gnawing at me, telling me that what I was about to experience would completely destroy my fears. I’m really glad I blocked those negative thoughts because I was shown a side of Mother Nature so many of us will never see. I was in awe of yet another one of her dimensions that had been there since the dawn of time. I was just now being given the keys to explore the Kingdom. Mother Earth put a spell on me and disguised it as the blue planet.
Fast-forward to the Philippines and I was quickly reminded that in order to get my SCUBA certification, it would take a few classroom hours on top of time in the water. Here I was waking up everyday, with the perfect view of blue skies, sunshine, and sparkly warm water, wanting nothing more than to just jump in and be dragged around underwater by an instructor and see pretty things again…but this time my survival underwater wasn’t someone else’s cross to bear - it was mine.
I watched the videos, read the books, took the quizzes, did all of my practice dives…and then found out I wasn’t yet done. I was told I would also need to tread water for 10 minutes or float, neither of which I have a history of being particularly good at.
To add insult to the injuries I was positive were in my near future, I was told I would THEN have to swim 400m with fins or 200m unassisted. I’ll just put this out there - I have never considered myself to be a strong swimmer and I can’t float. I am not a cork. I am a pile of bricks. So then why in my right mind would I volunteer to go through all of this? I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of doing something so far beyond my perceived ‘realm’. Plain and simple. I would like to note that this realm was entirely created by me. But that’s a story for another time.
So I literally huffed and puffed my way through what felt like the swim portion of an ultra-triathlon with my supportive partner swimming by my side, miserably treaded water for 10 minutes (but hey my survival literally depended on it so watch me master this treading business) and was given the okay by my instructor! I was a card-carrying Open Water Diver. But it wasn’t enough. I had tasted the Kool-aid and wanted more, so I signed up for the Advanced course and blazed my way through some super cool dives.
I saw sea turtles and sea horses. I swam above what looked like underwater fields of cotton candy swaying in the currents. I made friends with fish who were just as intrigued as I was. I did a night dive (freaky) and faced down a jellyfish inches from my face along with all kinds of creatures that go bump-in-the-night. I stared in awe at “underwater grass” that turned out to be garden eels. I know Ariel wanted to explore the shore up above but I was working through a serious case of the grass being greener on the other side - or under the sea as it was in this case.
After celebrating my status as an advanced diver, it was time for me to continue on to my next destination where I would have to overcome even more seeds of self-doubt that I had strewn throughout my brain over the course of my existence. I was off to Cambodia to train with the circus. Yes, this is the part of my story that I too couldn’t believe was going to be real. I moved to Cambodia and trained with the circus.
I committed hours each day to
bending my body into positions that
didn’t feel natural. I was balancing on
parts of my body that were typically
reserved for holding doors open or falling
asleep on. I spent most of my time being
pushed, pulled, and sat on by my
incredible coach. I was experiencing pain
and discomfort in deep tissues I didn’t
even know existed. I loved it.
But in order to get the most out of an already physically demanding sport and art form, I knew I would need to spend some more time lifting weights. So, I got myself a personal trainer who quickly turned into my friend.
I’ve always considered myself to be a singer. That’s what people knew me as. But, I’ve also been known to explore the limits of my body and that’s what I was getting back to here. I used my time in Cambodia to outpace my own constraints. To forget the community I had always known in the US and really grow into myself more than I had in Hong Kong.
There were days when all I could do was cry.
From the mental exhaustion of being so far away from
everyone I’d ever known and loved to the physical pain
my body felt like it could no longer handle. From the
frustration of being black surrounded by people whose
skin was so incredibly beautiful - but they just couldn’t
see the beauty unless it was as fair as snow, to my
first moto accident that left my already circus-abused
body feeling like a big pile of broken twigs. Not being
able to see my man for months on end made me cry.
Wondering what the hell I was doing in Cambodia
made me cry.
But you know what made me smile? My next door neighbors with their three beautiful baby girls who always wanted to practice their English with me. My coach who surprised me on my birthday with a visit to my first pagoda and a cake with my name written on it. My art-studio teachers who became my friends simply because I told myself I wasn’t going to sit inside on a holiday weekend no matter how much I wanted to - they made me smile. Becoming the object of affection, if only for a very fleeting moment, of two teenage boys who showed me their love by throwing me a bag of food while we were both in moving vehicles - them on a moto, me in a tuk tuk. Exploring the markets during the day with the gnarliest smells floating around made me smile. The U.S. has fooled us into thinking we have to buy perfect produce under perfect lighting in perfectly air-conditioned stores.
I’m here to tell you - we don’t.
I’m here to tell you it’s okay to eat that grape that the vendor just handed you in the market that hasn’t been washed. Just know you might contract a wild case of food poisoning but like…I’m alive to tell the tale! I’m here to tell you it’s okay to be scared out of your mind as you think about what you want to do next in your life. It’s okay to have gargantuan-sized dreams because you know what? As soon as you achieve it, you’ll wonder why you hadn’t gone after those dreams sooner. It’s okay to want to move away from everything you’ve ever known all for the sake of living your best life…whatever that even means. Things have a way of falling into place. The universe, or whatever you want to call it, has a way of hyping you up if you just remember that your balls are big enough, you will magically sprout wings, and your mind is capable of creating the life and reality you want. This world is huge and it has space to support and nurture everyone’s dreams. Including mine. Including yours. Don’t forget that. Now get out and live.